Where is Home?: Feelings Leads to Crying

Drake: Are you okay? You seemed a little upset when you left last night.

Me: Yeah. It’s just my parents.

Drake: You can always talk to me if you need to.

Me: I know.

I’m hungry. I look through the cabinets and the fridge. I open the freezer. I close the freezer. I walk back to the living room and sit on the couch. My computer sits beside me. The TV is off. Music plays from Dad’s Pandora.

I’m hungry. I need to eat but I don’t know what to eat. I need to eat.

My phone buzzes.

Drake: Hey you wanna join me for a drive to Jack’s campus?

I stare at the phone. Do I?

I don’t. But how do I tell him that? I’m such a shitty friend. I set my phone on the computer. It’s an hour there and an hour back. That’s two hours and that’s not even counting the time in between.

And he’ll want to talk when we’re alone. I don’t want to talk because talking leads to feelings and feelings leads to crying.

Drake: You don’t have to. I’ll understand if you don’t.

Good ‘cause I don’t want to go.

Drake: I’m leaving in an hour so no rush.

But that just makes me feel rushed.

I walk to the kitchen. I open the cabinet. I close the cabinet. I open the fridge. We mostly have drinks in the fridge. I stare at the milk exceptionally long. Milk makes me sick though. I close the fridge.

I walk back to the living room and sit on the couch. My phone blinks with a new message.

Drake: Final answer?

Me: I’m not going to go. I’m sorry.

Drake: Damn. Ok.

Me: I’m sorry.

Drake: Ok.

I though he said he’d understand if I decided not to go. I toss my phone on the other side of the couch. I’m such a shitty friend. I’m a terrible person.

I slide my laptop on my lap. I check my email. I have a few emails. I click through them in seconds and I’m left bored again.

The dogs run past the back door.

My phone rings. I slide my laptop over and stand. I grab my phone.

“Hello.”

“Is your mom home?” Dad asks.

“No.”

“Have you heard from her?”

“No.”

“Oh, ok.” He pauses. “I’m probably going to have a few beers with them when they get back.” He’s babysitting the neighbors kid. I would’ve done it, but I hate the child.

“How is the little monster?”

“He’s sleeping right now. I’ve been watching cartoons.”

I laugh. I don’t even remember the last time I watched a cartoon. I’m glad the kid is asleep though. He has too much energy for Dad to handle.

“Don’t put the top chain on.”

“Okay. I won’t.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I sit down and sigh. I set my phone on my computer.

I’m hungry. My phone buzzes.

Dad: Did you text your mom when we got off the phone?

Me: No.

Dad: She texted me saying she’s not coming home.

I figured she wouldn’t be. She didn’t last week. She only visited for two days. Then left. Same thing with this week. She only comes on her days off.

Me: Oh.

Dad: I’m going to watch The Martian

Me: Again?

Dad: Yes again on their giant tv

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